So, was thinking today....you know a great guy up in Minnesota gave me a nudge a while back and my lazy ass did not ever respond to it. So here it is the long awaited return (again)...*taps on mic' is this thing on*

Don't know that anyone will read this anymore but, that's ok. I don't write this shit for other people I write this shit for myself. If friends or strangers read this then great.

It truly is CRAZY how fucked up my life has gotten in the past year to year and a half. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about checking out permanently a time or twenty. Alas, I am not that stupid, not that fucked up, not that selfish. So here I sit!

Where the fuck have I been lately, don't know if I can answer that, don't know if I know myself?!? Though this funk that I have been all day has brought me back to here. It's funny how happiness can lead to sadness and for some sadness can lead to happiness. Confused? I am too sometimes! Some day I will elaborate.

Oh well enough of the deep introspective bullshit.

So loving the fact that summer is on its way. Have been doing a ton of work outside lately. Seeded the back yard on Sunday, was out most of the day got some sun. Started working on the pool area. Looking forward to getting that cleaned out so I can start preparing to put the pool back up. I am off work Friday and Monday (another year bites the dust), plan on doing a bunch more work out there. Am as giddy as a little girl that next weekend Downtown Farmer's Market returns. I am sure the B'man and myself will be found down there a lot this summer. Speaking of the B'man my little guy is not so little anymore he is getting so big and stocky, though he is still only around 14 lbs.

Well enough for now. Would say I will post again soon but who fucking knows with me, lol. At the very least I will have to post about the big bday weekend UGH.

So after almost a 3 month absence I have decided it is now time to get my ass to journaling again. I was just looking at my last post, did not even bother to read it when I saw the date. October 23rd 2006, one day before I was fired for the first time ever in my life. Not gonna go into the whole big story behind it, will just there there was a rule, I broke it, they decided to use extreme judgement against me! There of course is a shit load more to that whole story but why dwell on it now. Because of this a whole lot has gone on in my life. There has been good things and bad things, I can honestly say I am glad that 2006 is over.

So started a new chapter in my life today. Had my first day of employment with Wells Fargo. Looking forward this new chapter and seeing how it develops.

This is just a quick post to get my feet wet..so to speak..more to follow soon!

OK so this weekend uneventful yet again. Though have to sound off on what happened yesterday. So Marty had mentioned on Saturday that he wanted to go to brunch on Sunday. We get up and head over to Iowa Machine Shed. I realize that was about noon and so the after church crowd was there in full, so we waited about 20 to 25 minutes to get a seat. Not that long really, have waited much longer at other places. We get seated, wait for the waitress to get our drink order. Well she showed up, took our order, we got up to go to the brunch buffet. I load up my plate and get a 1/4 of the way back to our booth and see it is no longer there. They have seated a family at our booth. I look around trying to see if Marty is seeing this shit. Just then a really bitchy hostess walks by with menus for that table. I tell her that someone has been seated at our booth. She said I am sorry my manager told me to seat them there, the cups were not turned up. Well was pretty pissed about that but she did get us another booth right away. So we sit there eat calm down about the whole thing. Fast forward to where we are ready to go for round two. Marty and I get up, I jokingly say I wonder if I should wait here. In the time it took for Marty to put the two small portions of food on his plate, they had cleared our table and had begun setting it for someone new. Marty saw it first this time, stood there and uttered unfuckingbeleivable. Apparently one of the managers was standing right there and heard him, that was about the time I saw what was going on, said very loudly, you have got to be kidding me, two times in one day! Well she got the table ready for us very quickly got us our drinks, apologized, told us they had talked to Jesus (the guy who cleared our table). She then walked off left us to steam about the whole situation. OMG I just can't believe they did that two us twice in one god damn day. We were already planning our complaints to the cashier. Well the manager lady came back over apologized again, and informed us that our meal would be free. Well thats cool that they did that but probably won't be going back anytime soon.

Weekend came and went.

Friday ended up going out by myself. Talked to Zoe most of the night. Ran into Tim and Darrin, ended up getting Darrin drunk and causing some issues. That is one couple I don't get. They are both really nice, both good looking guys in their own respect. Tim is the biggest flirt you will ever meet, seriously! He does more things with more men that are not his bf. I am not talking anything sexual, at least that I know of, but just flirting. Well Darrin is always worried about Tim getting mad at him if he does anything remotely considered as flirting. Oh well not judging just stating. They were nice enough to give me a ride home.

Saturday Zoe came and picked me up we first went and ate, then I commenced shopping for the halloween costume. I had two ideas at the back of my mind, one being a samurai the other being a fireman. The fireman idea would go best with the party I am going to as it has the uniform theme. Did not find anything at the first store we went to. Then went to the mall, got my haircut, walked around trying to find some long sleeve shirts for winter. Of course could not find anything I liked. Torbin called he had gotten his phone fixed that day. He ended up meeting us at the mall and walked around with us. Then went to Petco trying to find a replacement flap for the dog door as the bman decided it would be a good idea to chew off the seal at the beginning of summer. Anyway did not find a dog door but did manage to spend a bunch of money on toys and treats. I am such a sucker for the pooch. Went to Nobbies to check out costumes there, ended up buying a samurai wig and sword there but not sure if I am going to do that idea. Zoe took me home decided I was not going out that night, so went with roommate Bill and friend to the store bought a bottle of Jim Beam and a six of hard cider and proceeded to drink way too much.

Sunday got up 7:30 after I had been up til 4 am. One of those days I did absolutely nothing. Did not even put on real clothes. Stayed in my gym shorts basically all day long. Watch a german subtitled 'mo movie last night called Locked Up. It was not bad, it was this sexually charged prison flick that looked like it was shot with a camcorder. Lots of hot nudity :) and I think they were not simulating the sex during the movie. While did not show show graphic close ups like a porn there was "evidence" that the sex was real.

One last thing discovered this song this weekend that is so haunitingly beautiful. It's called Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.

Just one of those days. I could not even begin to tell anyone what kind of mood I am in today. Was tired this morning, not to mention cold. No heat last night, temp in the house was 59. On the was to work Marty was asking if I was in a bad mood. Nope was not did not feel it, just tired. As my day progresses my mood has just gotten completely weird. Not in a full fledge funk by any means but kinda feel crabby, kinda feel drained, feel ever so slightly depressed don't know what the fuck my problem is.

Thinking about all the crap I need to buy this weekend. Have to run about a hundred places I swear. Now trying to figure out how to do it. Marty has been a doll and run most places most of the time. I just hate having to rely on him all the time, I feel I am such a bother. Could ask Bill, but don't know what his situation is, plus I know he could not keep up with the level of shopping I need to get done. A taxi would absolutely break me. Don't know what I am gonna do. Can not wait til I get my license back.

That's it for now. Maybe I will post more later.

So week is off to a good start so far. Yesterday flew by. Did not get a lot done at work. Walked down and met Chad for dinner at the Royal Mile, good beer, good food, good conversation! Get home decide that I want beef stew for dinner this evening so cut up all the veggies, chop up a roast got it ready for the crock pot this morning. While I was doing that got the worst case of onion eyes I have ever had. My eyes burned so bad!

Got online, don't know whats going on but have been gettin' random messages from hot men all across the country lately. Not complaining!!! Does wonders for the self esteem to get messages like that. Been doing some serious chatting with a hot older man from Minnesota and one from Florida! Why is it they are never down the block?

Started dieting again this week. UGH I have put on so much weight this summer. Time to take it off, gonna start a work out routine again too. Take off fat and put on muscle.

Hibearnation is only a month away. Am so looking forward to it.

I hope no one fell over dead from shock at the fact I actually posted on a Saturday.

So I have so been jonesing for some new Norah Jones. Her soft sultry voice just mellows me out like no other. So was searching the net to see if there were any whispers of a new album coming out in the near future. So apparently she decided to do this country project with some friends. The band is called the Little Willies. OMG! Just downloaded the album from Itunes. Love it!!!!!!!! Not typical country album, not typical Norah! One more time for the record. LOVE IT!

Sitting here at the cube trying to decide what I should put down in my journal today. I think about everything that is going on the world today. That causes me to remember a conversation I had back in 1999, when W. was running for president. I sat at the Villa (a small bar in Carroll IA) and said if he gets elected he will ultimately usher in WWIII. Hmmm?!?! Are we headed there?

Think about my brother that I lost. Marty and I were on our way back from Walmart last night and it hit me, I am coming up on the 16th anniversary of his death. He was my older brother, his name was Kyle, the middle child. Short one of the boys where my older brother and I were tall. Black hair where we had reddish blonde. Born on the 8th where we were born on the 7th. Him and I used to fight so much growing up. The summer nights camping out in our backyard. Hehe the night he told me all about sex! Little did he know! I don't know for sure how he would have reacted to finding out I was gay, but the relationship we had before he died, I like to believe he would have been cool with it. October 13th 1990, he was at his bachelor party, a week before his wedding. He was 22. Fell from a 2nd story balcony in our home town. We had lived together in Martinsdale at the time. I remember him going home for the weekend. He was excited for the bachelor party. Was kinda bummed I was not going to be there. I ended up going home Friday night after I got off work, saw him that morning before I headed back to the Des Moines area. I was excited to share with him the news. We had been working on playing Super Mario Bros 3 which had just come out. I had discovered the warp whistle. He thought that was pretty cool and was looking forward to checking it out.

Ok did not expect this to go there today.

Weekend came and went. Did go see Another Gay Movie at Fleur Cinema on Saturday. I got to say found it pretty funny. It spoofs American Pie and also does spoof a few gay movies as well. Every stereotype has hit upon, it was a stitch! Greg and I went to bar after that, was not feeling it so we left around 12:30.

Yesterday was SO bored. Took a cab to Merle Hay and walked around the mall a bit. Ended up in Target spent way too much money. I did get a game for the Xbox 360, Lego Star Wars 2. Don't care if it is aimed more for kids, it is alot of fun to play. Spent the rest of my afternoon doing that.

Today got to work not feeling the greatest. Do not have much for numbers work today. Informed my sup that I had all my numbers stuff done for the day and that my numbers over all would not look too good for today. So now once I am finished with my break I will go back to my crap work. Hopefully by the time I am done today my 2 inch pile of papers will be down to about a quarter inch, or better yet, gone.

Just got to say.....

GOD BLESS GREEN TEA!

Love this song!

I hate to see you cry lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But i know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But i know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But i know the heart of life is good, i know it's good, i know it's good
Oh i know it's good
Oh i know it's good
Oh i do, i do, i do
Oh i know it's good

So starting to work on a hefty cold right now! Woke up at 4:30 this morning and have been up since. Though because of it I did get a lot accomplished at home this morning.

Have to work til 5 today, that kinda sucks! Especially when I am not the least senior member on my team. Oh well no use complaining about it!

So excited cause I get to watch the Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane tonight. It's an old Jodie Foster movie from 1976. She is this little girl who lives in this house by herself. Don't remember a lot about it just that it is creepy. LOL I will probably watch it tonight and be like damn what was I excited about?

I may have to find doggy day care for Buster. When I first got him he was too small to be running around free in the house and it was February so he could not be outside. It left me no choice but to kennel him. Well I believe that started too young and his kennel was too big cause he would potty in his kennel. He has been outside all summer long and now that I have started to kennel him again I thought maybe he was past that. I did not see any accidents in his kennel however today i pulled his towel out of there and it smelled like pee. I am gonna have to monitor this closely the next few days if it continues I will have to get him into a doggy day care somewhere.

Oh well thats it for now!

So to top of a crappy week, and yes I did have a crappy week last week, I had yet another totally forgettable weekend. The roommate Bill decided to go camping that is always a nice change of pace having him out of the house. Not that I mind him in the house! Friday night did nothing, went to bed early!

Saturday got up around 8, took a cab down to Farmer's Market. First thing I run into a coworker Shirley. Have my breakfast burrito and proceed to drip on my white undershirt, ugh! Decide I am gonna go check out bus schedules to see if I can figure out how to get to Jordan Creek by bus. I swear I am a complete imbecile when looking at bus schedules and routes, I truly have a hard time figuring that shit out! I then decided a cup of java sounded good. I walked down a few blocks to Starbucks. Got my venti white chocolate mocha and walked through the park directly west of the new library. The river they have put through there is very calming and beautiful. I got to the end of the park decided to have a seat and enjoy the beautiful day. Watched them set up for something going on outside the Ritual Cafe. After some period of time I walked back to the library and called a cab. Went out to Jordan Creek, accomplished my goal of taking in two movies. Saw Jackass 2 ( i know it's potty humor, but i loved it) also saw Fearless with Jet Li. Enjoyed that quite a bit, though they had a preview for a new movie from the guy that did House of Flying Daggers, looks excellent and visually stunning much like House. Got home around 7:30 did absolutely nothing again. Ibro called wanted to know if I was going out. Did not really feel it, so I didn't. Besides by then I was in a sufficient cranky mood, did not think it would be good to go out. I just get tired of doing nothing special and having no one to share it with, whether it be friend or bf.

Woke up Sunday still in a bad mood from the night before. Got my day started around noon. Proceeded to work my butt off until about 10 pm at night. Got my laundry done YAY, been putting that off for over a week now. Got the kitchen clean yet again. Got the screen door fixed and trimmed the hedges. Finally was able to shuff off my bad mood around 5 yay to that.

Oh well that's my weekend, saw some movies that is about it! :) Maybe next weekend!

K, I know this probably sounds corny, but do you ever see a guy that is so the epitome of what you find attractive that it absolutely takes your breath away. So was just looking up guys that say they are going to be at Hibearnation in St Louis in November. Ran across this guy from Chicago, honest to god, been staring at his pics for sometime now. OK now that I put that down in writing, sounds a little creepy. LOL, I guess its not like i am gonna contact him and volunteer to move in and be his live in. Just appreciating a stunning face and a killer smile! MMM MMM MMM

So yesterday, I had a complete shitty day. You ever wake and just know its a day that you should truly stay in bed? Yesterday was that way for me. I so wanted to call in to work. Like a trooper I got out of bed and got ready to go in against my better judgement. So my contacts were bothering me so I had to wear my glasses. Usually not a problem however I could not find my "normal" glasses, all I could find were my Buddy Holly style fun glasses. Got into work and the more I sat there trying to focus on work the less I could do it. I had made up my mind I was going to ask Teri (my sup.) if I could take a mental health day. To add to the fire I heard the girl who sits behind me on my team talking to a doctors office scheduling an appointment during work hours, did not hear for when, all I could think is that if this bitch, whom I normally like a lot, gets off again before I can ask to go home, I am gonna go postal. Well Teri got out of her extra long daily meeting and she let me off. Was gonna call a cab, but I thought in my current state of mind a long walk might do me good. So I walked from work to home. I think its about 4 miles. By the time I got home was feeling pretty good. Later my day got uber shitty, thanks to my roommate Bill. Anyway nothing that a good nights sleep couldn't cure. I was right today was so good, such a complete opposite of yesterday.

So while yesterday was up, I was checking out the new itunes. How very cool!!!! I think I downloaded more in one day yesterday than I do normally in a month. That brings me to a question. Don't know if many people read this journal anymore, not that it matters if anyone does. I am always looking for new and cool music. Today I discovered I like a band called the Duhks. What do you as a reader of this like to listen to that is maybe not so mainstream. Another that I really like though I can't seem to find much of his music, is Damien Rice. You know I have to say if music styles were temperatures my Ipod and computer would have broken in half a long time ago from the extreme differences.

Well time to get my naked butt to bed! Have to be up early tomorrow!

Sitting here at work once again! I am so bad! Hehe! Been listening to the new John Mayer album all morning. Am really digging it, was afraid for a minute it was gonna have all the songs from his John Mayer Trio album but only just a couple. Got to say the more bluesy he gets the more I love it. I almost feel slightly guilty for ingnoring the rest of the artists in my ipod but I am sure they won't care.

Going to Hessen Haus for the first time. Am very much looking forward to that. Love trying out places I have never been before, plus there will be good company so that is all good!

Well quick post, need to get back to work here.

just a quick entry here are a few recent pics of the bman

So, I can finally say had a great weekend.

Got off work Friday hung out and chatted a bit. Greg came down and we went out. Friday night was dead to start off but quickly picked up. Ran into David who was quite intoxicated, drunk Dave always cracks me up! There was this cute muscle bound latino who kept checking me out, or so it seemed. That always does wonders for the ego. Holy god though, I don't honestly know if they guys pants could get any tighter. Classic example of painted on jeans. Nothing terribly exciting happened that night just had a great time hanging out with Greg, David and Kent.

Saturday got up, decided it was the day to tear apart the pool get it cleaned up and put away for the winter. Began work on that, the roomie Bill and friend Doug were gonna go to Menards and get privacy fence for the hot tub area. I wanted to get out this weekend and get a sweater for Buster for the winter. Well we take both dogs and head to petsmart first. I found the most adorable (yeah I know pretty gay) red hoodie for him. Pictures will be coming soon! He also got to pick out a new toy. He selected a fox, which he proudly carries around like prey. Well got the fence picked up went home and began installing. All was going well with that until Doug was digging the last post hole and sliced a telephone wire. Killed the house phone, which I am not sure why we have anyway. Well fast forward to the evening, got all dressed up and went out. Get a phone call while at the bar, its Chad he is gonna come to the saddle for the very first time and hang out. So hung out with him the rest of the evening, had a great time getting to know him a bit! Oh and the leather crowd, yeah saw so many assless chaps with leather jocks, also saw a guy getting head back by the back door. Which reminds me Greg told me Friday night he saw two guys fucking on the dance side. Goodness!!!!

Sunday Bill left to go to Boston for a few days. Did a bunch of chatting off and on through the day. Marty and I went and did a bit of shopping out to Jordan Creek. Got me some new shoes. We also stopped at half price books (love that store) picked a movie (connie and carla), an audio book by neil gaiman (title escapes me at the moment) and the dark tower series book i was missing (song of susannah), oh and the dark tower concordance part two. Went to bed last night feeling very happy about the weekend I had just had.

So another summer has come and gone. Gotta say kinda sad about it. I love summer! Did some cool things this summer and some no so cool things. Three big events for the summer of 2006 Bear Pride, Gay Pride in Minneapolis, and OWI. Well two positive outweigh the one big negative.

Overall this weekend came and went, nothing too exciting. My roommate Bill turned another year older, and for a birthday gift to himself went out and bought a new hot tub for himself. So yesterday woke up, had some good chat in the morning. Got out and went to home depot with the roommie to get supplies to hook up the hot tub. He began on that when we got back, I began on leveling out the yard and filling in the hole from the pond. I got my project completed and started helping him on the hot tub. Got it filled and running about 7 pm last night. I was damn tired by the end of the day last night but felt really good about what I had accomplished yesterday.

So now what will fall and winter bring for me. I am longing for some change in my life. I know that if I want change I can't wait for it it find me I need to go out and make it. So here is looking forward to making changes in the months ahead. Well just kinda all over the place this morning but just some thoughts that are going on in my head.